- The Scorchies (Doctor Who—The Companion Chronicles #7.9)
- Written by: James Goss
- Directed by: Ken Bentley
- Staring: Katy Manning (Jo Grant/Scorchies), Melvyn Hayes (Scorchies)
Big Finish’s musical episodes are never about “Wouldn’t it be fun if the cast sang silly songs?”
Doctor Who and the Pirates is about narrative structure, the value of stories, and the value of children’s entertainment (pantomime in particular). To say nothing of what might be one of the loudest shots fired across the bow at darker tendencies which sometimes manifest in and around Doctor Who: The idea that even if grimdark things did happen to the Doctor and his friends, they may not be worth telling—there’s nothing for the soul to feed on in simple death, destruction, and brokenness.
If you go into it with the attitude of “Colin Baker only sings silly songs,” as Tin Dog Podcast commented, “You’re on your own, mate.”
The greater the silliness, as Big Finish presents it, the greater the depth.
The Scorchies, then, finds its depth in this: beware what’s in the media you consume.
But this isn’t a reactionary, the medium is twisted and out to get you story.
That’s Whispers of Terror. As we’ve discussed, it is about the dangers of sound, and audio stories, and changes to a closed video-free universe. The Scorchies is more complex, and realistic.
Professor Baffle tells Jo a story of his own.
“A long time ago, on the distant shores of time, and a long-long way away was an island of dreams in a sea of clouds. And everyone who lived on this lovely world was happy. But then, one dark day, a magician, a very clever man, invented television. And everyone was entranced by this amazing thing.
“And suddenly television was all they could talk about. They hurried to work, where they talked about television; they met each other for meals where they talked about television; sometimes they even talked about television during television. Soon the whole land was under the spell of television. From when it came on in the afternoon til it went off at night. Some people thought it was a bad idea and they went on television to say so, and that made people think.
“Mostly, they lived happily ever after watching television.”
The medium isn’t evil. Television may have entranced them—but they’re encouraged to think. They live happily ever after. Of all the Scorchies, Professor Baffle isn’t evil. We have no real reason to doubt him.
Television isn’t evil.
The medium isn’t the danger. But dangers can come through the medium. The author, James Goss, uses an interesting property to illustrate this…
What is the safest property you can imagine?
What is the most beloved property you can imagine?
Something beloved by children and adults alike, and known for being good as well as famous?
The Muppets.
Even something as seemingly simple and innocent as The Muppets may have intellectual dangers, according to Goss.
The Muppets were created for adults, not children.
The Muppets are not toothless, and especially were not toothless Jim Henson’s era. It’s noted that every adult in the UK is under Scorchie control. There’s no mention of children, as child-friendly and child-designed as The Scorchies would appear to be.
There are potential dangers in every media you consume.
It’s not accidental that The Scorchies are identified with The Muppets. The episode begins with Mr. Grizzfizzle reciting half the original Muppets’ theme: “It’s time to start the music.” The Scorchies’ logo is highly reminiscent of the original Muppets logo. The Scorchies’ violence is made up of the type of violence The Muppets were famous for (“firing each other out of cannons” in particular). The show format—celebrity guests, skits, and songs—so closely follows The Muppet Show’s that it’s hardly worth commenting on.
There are potential dangers in every media you consume. Even The Muppets.
He’s a ventriloquist on the radio—
How do you know he’s not moving his lips?
– Woody Allen
In addition to that, The Scorchies subtly feeds on one of the most confounding radio traditions: the radio ventriloquist. In the states we had Edgar Bergen and his Charlie McCarthy, and in the UK Peter Brough and his Archie Andrews (no, this Archie didn’t have to choose between Betty and Veronica).
Much like Bergen and McCarthy, we’re being asked to accept we’re listening to puppets—and despite all odds, like the original audience, we accept we’re listening to puppets instead of actors.
It’s always dangerous to play guesswork with an author’s inspiration. You might find something reasonable, logical, and sourced—only to discover the author was actually inspired by a ham sandwich. But it’s hard not to imagine this mix of The Muppets and radio ventriloquism was inspired by a certain cameo in a certain film. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy’s last screen appearance, in The Muppet Movie, which premiered during the UNIT era (depending on where you fall in the UNIT dating controversy).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwoWWWxGC4I
It cannot be stated enough that Katy Manning and Melvyn Hayes turn in amazing performances. Katy, by now, should be declared a national treasure. All of Katy’s Scorchies sound remarkably different—and she cleanly carries on conversations with herself in multiple persons as though there is a full cast in his recording both.
If you’re not tempted by songs, and you don’t want to see the last two parts of one of the better third Doctor stories never filmed, then you could certainly listen to it for the acting alone.
The writing is solid. This is probably James Goss’ single best Doctor Who story. The songs are beautifully crafted, fun and catchy in a way that leaves you humming them months later. When I’m doing woodwork, I still find myself mumble-humming “James is makin’ a thing…”
The Scorchies is one of the essential episodes of Big Finish, with one of the greatest audio-exclusive villains.
You can purchase The Scorchies from BigFinish.com for $7.99
James Bojaciuk
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