Ah, Christmas. Such a joyous holiday. There’s presents and wrapping paper. Giving and getting and sometimes, if your grandma remembers to turn the oven on, a nice roast beef. And, for those of us who enjoy the science fiction extravaganza of Doctor Who, it means the Doctor Who Christmas Special.
On December the 25th, we loyal watchers gathered around the telly, cup of cocoa in hand and see if the Christmas Special was rubbish or not. But this is surely just a New Who tradition. Something started back in the day when Russell T. Davies was at the helm and our biggest concern was if we were going to like this David Tennant fellow or not. Sometimes this episode was integral to the plot. Sometimes it was a fun little one-off romp to hold us over till the start of next season.
But yes, yes, I hear you say. We all know this already, that’s how most holiday specials work. What most of you probably didn’t know is that the 26th is the Feast of Saint Stephen. The first martyr. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing except for the title of the Doctor Who episode we’re going to talk about. The first ever “Christmas Special.” The only episode confirmed lost to the ages. The Feast of Steven.
GET IT?!
Anyway.
What is the Feast of Steven? Well for those of you keeping score at home; we’re knee deep in the twelve part story of the ‘Daleks Master Plan’– a dark and disturbing serial. There’s already an above Dr Who average count including companion Katarina brutally sucked out into outer space via airlock, a not-yet-Brigadier Nick Courtney playing Space Security Service agent Bret Vyon shot by his very own sister Sara Kingdom, played by the impeccable Jean Marsh. Not to mention the Daleks murdering and once again trying to take over and destroy with their….you guessed it! MASTER PLAN! It seems hopeless, the Doctor himself admitting that the Daleks have won.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, aye?
The Feast of Steven begins with what the Doctor was saying in the last episode, the air outside was poisonous, and they were not to go outside. But really, they’ve just landed in London. A bunch of police officers are, in true Dr Who fashion, not doing their job. But they’re stunned by a suddenly appearing Police Call Box. I.E, the TARDIS. Rationally. Because the Doctor is of course, the superior alien that he is, says the pollution and toxic air shan’t affect him. So while Sara and Steven stay inside, the Doctor takes a step outside.
And into comedic timing.
Yes. Despite the harrowing nature of ‘The Daleks Master Plan’ as a whole this episode is…funny.
The Doctor opens the door, sees a policeman, and after they both greet each other they realize. Hold on. Sometimes not right here. A moment of horror and confusion and the door is shut again. How wonderful this would’ve looked to just see it, Hartnell is ever the master of facial expressions so his face would’ve been priceless but.
…It’s kinda lost on you when it’s just me explaining it, isn’t it?
But really it gets better.
Once again the Doctor barks at Steven to open and shut the doors once he’s gone, since he’s venturing outside once more. And once again Steven lets out a cheerful, if not hollow, “Yes, sir!”
And of course, also in typical Who fashion, the Doctor is caught the second he steps outside, and it carted off to the Police Station where a local is complaining about people moving his greenhouse. Why I even mention him is because he’s played by an actor named Reg Pritchard. Now Reg was also in an earlier serial called “The Crusades” as a merchant. Ironically enough, so was Jean Marsh, playing at the time the Princess Joanna. So the Doctor chuckles and remarks to the man that he’s seen him before. In the marketplaces of Jaffa.
But while the Doctor is off breaking the fourth wall, Steven decides it’s best to get the plot going and sneaks out of the TARDIS. Really, the police work in Doctor Who is almost as good a Stormtroopers aim. And decides the best course of action is the feign being a police officer himself, with a rather convenient uniform that just so happened to be laying in the backseat.
And the usual mysterious Doctor, always keeping his TARDIS and past secret, is happily blabbing away to the police about his travels, taking amusement from it all really. “I am a citizen of the universe! And a gentleman to boot!” That line is so perfectly First Doctor—grand and important, but with a twinkle of trickery and banter. Everything he says to them is just full of joy and whimsy. He’s loving the fact that they think he’s nutty.
Of course, Sara isn’t going to let the lads have all the fun. She gets bothered by a police officer and saying perhaps the singular line that sums up all of Doctor Who. “The idiots…they’ve obviously gotten themselves in to some kind of trouble.”
After a bit of a scuffle, the gang escape into the TARDIS and off they go.
Straight onto a movie set that they think is a real-life peril situation. Oh those crazy kids. I hope you like screaming because there is a lot of it in the latter half of this episode. And fist fighting. A lot of fist fighting. Steven punches some actor pretending to be a villain, he and Sara beat up security trying to catch them. They meet Charlie Chaplin, you know, as you do. The film folks want Steven to replace the male lead he just gave a black eye too, so poor Steven is dodging assistants trying to wrestle him into costume. Sara is hiding from the jealous female lead and the security officers. The Doctor is mistaken for some professor of Arab culture—which he has no qualms about.
It’s a mad house, a mad dash, with all the energy and pacing of a vaudeville act. All the while, at the while—at the least in the reconstruction, 1920s title and dialogue cards to break up the scenes.
Oh and before they can all be reunited into the TARDIS, the good Doctor gives a young comic and singer the push he needs to be the star he wants to be. So yes, you can thank the First Doctor for the works of Bing Crosby.
EXIT; pursued by bear.
Well, not really, but after that mad dash I wouldn’t be surprised.
At the end of it all, the Doctor breaks out the champagne and toasts to a merry and safe Christmas to his dear companions. Before turning to us, the viewers, and wishing the same to us at home. Tis the season for fourth wall breaks.
Now I know what you’re thinking; this sounds brilliant! Why haven’t I heard of this before? Why hasn’t it been replayed every Christmas or put on some special edition DVD? Well it’s because the smart people over at the British Broadcasting Corporation decided to burn it. Along with over a hundred other episodes of Doctor Who.
Now I know what else you’re thinking. There are episodes that get found every few years or so, surely—if we hope and pray hard enough—they’ll find it in the boondocks of Australia or perhaps in the Cape! Oh, but I must disappoint you, and possibly make you quite angry. You see the Feast of Steven was never broadcasted anywhere else but England that December 25th. No Mastercut. No 16mm telerecording. NOTHING. It is lost, literally, forever.
We’re stuck just dreaming of what was, really, the beginning of a holiday tradition. And it may be a few days late but, incidentally, a Happy Holiday and New Year to all of you at home.
Tina Marie DeLucia