The best episode in a while, thanks to a relatively fact-based story and terrific acting from our leads and guest actor Robert Walker, Jr. But never fear, there’s the usual captures-and-escapes and our heroes running from point-A to point-B and back again to keep the cheese factor fresh.
We open on a scene of pulse-pounding action as Tony (James Darren) and Doug (Robert Colbert) drop into the middle of a horde of gun-shooting, hootenanny-hollering cowboys galloping down the dusty main street of a western town.
They dash into the safety of the sheriff’s office, where they encounter a deputy (Phil Chambers), at his desk, casually shaving. Just another Saturday night of rowdiness in a western town, Deputy Shaving Cream chuckles to our concerned heroes. When Doug asks exactly what western town they’ve quantum leaped into, a shadowy figure from a jail cell pipes up.
“Lincoln – pride of the great territory of New Mexico.”
The man’s face comes into view: handsome, young… a kid, actually.
The deputy’s about to drop the prisoner’s name when a gun totin’ gang busts in. They push the stunned deputy’s chair over to the jail cell while our guys look on. The prisoner is free in seconds. Not good news for Deputy Shaving Cream – the kid from the cell shoots him dead before Tony can lunge for him.
“Maybe you don’t know who I am,” the kid says. “Name’s Bonney, William Bonney.”
“Billy the Kid,” Tony breathes, and Billy grins a gloating grin.
Brief aside here… Billy’s played by Robert Walker, Jr. (son of Hollywood Golden Age legends Robert Walker & Jennifer Jones; best known as Charlie in the “Charlie X” episode of Star Trek), who could give Malcolm McDowell a run for his money playing sociopaths. Handsome in a creepy way, soft-spoken in an even creepier way, and ice-cold blue eyes that could freeze fire.
Now, back to the show.
The gang wants to make a break for it, but Billy insists on playing with Doug and Tony instead. He makes fun of their clothes (most enjoyable!) then dresses Tony in the Kid’s own easy-to-recognize hat and jacket and pushes him toward the door.
“Maybe you can make it to them horses before someone puts a slug in ya,” he taunts. “I’m giving you a sporting chance.”
“Like you gave that deputy?” Tony grits. Man, he doesn’t mince words, and Billy doesn’t like that he doesn’t mince words. He makes Tony do “a little dance for the boys” by pinging the floor at Tony’s feet with bullets until our hero flees the building.
Doug’s all quiet-like until he sees his chance. He snatches someone’s pistol and shoots Billy. Now Doug flees. He joins his bestie in stealing a couple horses and riding like heck out of town and ladies and gentlemen – this has all happened before the opening credits!
We check in with Tic-Toc command next. Our core cast, Dr. Raymond Swain (John Zaremba), General Heywood Kirk (Whit Bissell), and Dr. Ann MacGregor (Lee Meriwether), gape at the Time Tunnelvision, watching Billy’s gang bend over their fallen leader.
“Doug’s killed him,” Kirk says, amazed.
“I don’t understand,” Dr. Swain says. “We’ve never before changed any recorded event in history.”
Kirk all atwitter, demanding Dr. Ann give him info on time frames and spatial coordinates. She breaks out her trusty Dixon Ticonderoga No. 2 and we have a riveting ten seconds of pencil scratching over paper before we find out our boys are in 1881 New Mexico. Now, all they need is to get a fix on our boys, for the 500th time.
Cut back to the jail. Billy’s laid out on his cot in the cell. “I’m not yet dead,” he says, coming around. Bullet hit him in the belt buckle, knocking him cold, apparently, in one of the lamest fake out deaths I’ve ever seen.
The Kid’s boys are rarin’ to chase after Tony and Doug but Billy’s all, nope, this is something I have to do myself. He leaves them to get mani-pedis while he hits the road.
Thinking Doug’s killed Billy, our guys find a crappy, abandoned shack on the outskirts of town to hole up for the night before figuring out their next move. Meanwhile, at command central, Gen. Kirk checks in with Dr. Ann, who’s been doing research on Mr. The Kid’s ignoble end. She’s discovered such factoids as the outlaw was born in New York City and his real name was William McCarty.
One bit of info that gives the team the shivers: Billy killed two strangers “somewhere near Lincoln, 1881.” The desperation to move Tony and Doug immediately doubles, but there’s a problem: There’s been a draw on the Tic-Toc facility’s power supply (uh, why?), it’ll take several hours to recharge.
The next morning; Billy shows up at Tony and Doug’s crappy shack as our guys set out to find an IHOP serving breakfast vittles. While Tony saddles their horses, Doug putters about in the house – where Billy gets the jump on him.
Doug’s all, “Should’ve known I didn’t kill you, Mr. The Kid. I couldn’t kill a man who died before I was born.” Billy’s mouth says, “Keep talking,” but his eyes say, “Seriously dude?”
Doug yaps on about time travel until Billy does some angry table flipping that shuts him up. Team Tic-Toc’s in panic mode, unable to jump Doug out of there. They settle for trying to set up a voice transmission.
Tony, hearing the fight, rushes into the crappy shack, but the Kid’s too fast for him. He shoots the pistol from Tony’s hand. “Pat Garrett sent you,” Billy cries. “He hired you gunslingers from up north to get me.” He cocks his pistol. “I got no choice but to kill you both.”
There’s a frantic scene at central command. Dr. Ann spins dials and flips switches trying to connect the inter-temporal intercom. Gen. Kirk readies the microphone. And Dr. Swain freaks out over what to choose for lunch today at the Tic-Toc commissary—roast beef or liverwurst?
Billy’s about to put one between Doug’s eyes when… “Billy the Kid!” Kirk’s voice booms. “Come out with your hands up!”
Billy herks to the window. “Who’s there?” he calls out, in English and Spanish (a nice historical touch).
Doug hucks a flowerpot at the Kid. It goes waaaay wide, like it’s the bottom of the ninth, Doug’s team leads by one run, and he’s intentionally walking the strongest bat on the opposing team. Billy shoots, equally wild. The table gets flipped again as our guys toss it at Billy, also missing. These guys must bowl gutter balls all the time.
Our guys finally subdue Billy and tie him up. Tony says with the Kid’s gang on the loose, it makes more sense to keep the outlaw restrained and bring Pat Garrett to the crappy shack. Doug agrees, telling Tony to watch his back before sending him on his way. Oh, but not before handing him Billy’s hat. “Wear this, it’ll attract less attention.”
Billy overhears and lights up with a sociopath’s smirk, chortling, “Yep, nobody will give you a second look.”
Back at command central, Kirk’s intertemporal message has drained the dilithium crystals and the Time Tunnel needs to reboot. The general calls it a day and everyone heads for the nearest watering hole, which, in the Arizona desert, could be a looong way away.
Cut to Tony who rides into town in Billy’s coat and hat. Big surprise, everyone thinks he’s the notorious gunman. People run and hide as Tony passes, but he doesn’t pick up on these context clues and strides right into the sheriff’s office. Inside, deputy Poe (John Crawford, one of my favorite character actors, who was in Episode #16: The Revenge of Robin Hood) and his Winchester .73 gets the drop on him.
“You’ll be given a fair trial,” Poe says, shoving Tony into a cell. “But in less than a week you’re going to be hanging by your neck until you’re dead.” Clang goes the cell door.
Back at Crappy Shack, Doug turns his back on Billy, who comes at him with a pitchfork. While tied to a chair. What should be the silliest fight scene in the show’s history is actually grim and kind of desperate on Billy’s part.
Doug karate chops the Kid into night-night land, or so he thinks. He leaves to get some well water and Billy, the rascal, is fully awake and busy trying to untie his ropes.
At the jail, Tony tries to convince Deputy Poe he’s got the wrong man. We’ve heard this speech so many times before, Tony must have it memorized. He’s wasting his breath, anyway. Poe doesn’t believe him and neither does the mob (and by “mob” I mean a dozen scruffy dudes from central casting) gathering outside calling for Tony/Billy’s head.
Meanwhile, Billy’s gang rides up to Crappy Shack. Doug hides in the empty rain barrel, then, while the boys swarm into the house tom rescue their leader, Doug hops a horse and heads for the hills. He’s not safe yet – the gang is hot on his heels.
Cut to team Tic-Toc, fretting over their inability to quantum leap our heroes out of danger. Dr. Ann is particularly dejected, so Gen. Kirk gives her a reassuring shoulder squeeze-slash-massage that would get him fired today.
In 1881, the mob outside the jail is ready to blow. Pat Garrett (Allen Case) moseys up Main Street then walks into the jail without a word. Well, he can’t get in a word because Poe is nattering at him about how he caught Billy the Kid and got him “dead to rights.”
“Tell him I’m not Billy the Kid!” Tony demands.
Garrett saunters over to the cell, eyeballs Tony for an excruciating ten seconds and goes, “Hello, Billy.”
Commercial time!
Garrett quickly acknowledges he knows Tony’s not Billy. Tony’s pissed but will still help him by taking him to the outlaw, if they can get past the rabble outside. Hard to do – the mob has turned ugly, demanding Garrett turn the Kid over to them for a “necktie party” and no amount of “consarnits” from the sheriff will calm them down.
Garrett cooks up a plan to get Tony to safety. He suggests Poe round up some cattle and stampede them through town. Poe chortles like a gassy baby, all-in with that cunning plan. Poe leaves and pushes his way through the mob. Tony and Garrett barricade the door.
At Tic-Toc command, the power’s still not up to speed. Dr. Swain stares at wavy lines on a screen, looking like he lost his best friend. The Time Tunnelvision shows some good news – Doug’s eluded Billy and his gang and is riding toward Lincoln on the world’s most skittish horse (or is Doug the world’s most skittish rider?).
Back at the sheriff’s office, tempers snap. Garrett and Tony face off with the mob in a full-on gunfight. The good guys are losing until the cows come home and the mob runs away. Poe must be delighted – the cunning plan worked.
Tony and Garrett take advantage of the bovine confusion to zip out of the office, jump on some horses, and ride off into the not-yet-sunset. They get to Chez Crappy at lightning speed (and somehow miss Doug on the only trail into and out of town). They discover Billy has escaped, but since there’s no dead Doug, Tony figures his bestie has gone back to town – and he has to go after him.
“Wait,” Garrett says. “They want your head back there.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Tony grits. “I gotta find Doug.”
And so off he goes back to Lincoln. Whew, people come and go so quickly there.
Cut to Doug, riding into town. The mob has dissipated, off to the saloon to get even more dissipated, but Billy’s there with one of his gang. Billy gets all hepped up, looking forward to killing Doug, who’s stepped into the sheriff’s office, looking forward to finding his bestie. I’m looking forward to these dang time travelers staying in one place for five minutes.
Tic-Toc’s watching Doug, who’s about to leave the building. Gen. Kirk pushes Dr. Swain to get the power charged speedy quick, but there’s still five minutes to go. “That may be too late,” Dr. Ann cries. “When he steps into that street, that outlaw will kill him!”
Looks like that’s exactly what’s going to happen – Billy strolls up to the sheriff’s office at the exact moment Doug steps out.
“Hey, Dude,” Billy calls, and Doug freezes. “Start walking. When you’re close enough to hit anything… Draw!”
I’m so giddy watching this – Walker is just completely demented in this role. He’s all steely eyes and Joker-style grins, with the posture of a coiled cobra in skinny jeans.
It’s about to go down, when Tony and Garrett ride up the street. Garrett shouts at Billy to stop, while Tony leaps from his horse onto Billy’s gang member, lurking at a corner with his rifle trained on Doug.
Billy’s unfazed. He demands that Doug draw – which he does but the shot misses by a mile. Well, what did you expect? He’s a temporal physicist, not a gunslinger. Billy draws but Garrett shoots his pistol right out of his hand and the gunfight is over.
Garrett escorts his prisoners to the jail. Tony rushes to check on Doug, who’s okay but massively shaken up. With good reason – not many folks could face off against Billy the Kid and live to tell the tale.
The story concluded, Tony and Doug disappear, with Billy watching from outside the jail door. He tries to get Garrett to turn around and look. Nothing doing. Pat gets the last word, “You don’t expect me to fall for an old trick like that, do ya, Billy?”
Next time: Tony, Doug, and the Pirates of the Caribbean
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The guy who played Billy the Kid died 9 weeks ago.